I don’t know

Social media never really works out for me.

Although I do love to be inspired and post content so that I have some sort of interaction with the rest of the world. But Snapchat, Instagram…they’re perfect for creative people, right? And I suppose I’m a creative person..right? (Don’t confuse creative and talented.) But I hated being on them. They became sort of toxic for me and as soon as I deleted my accounts it was like breathing became much easier.


This has happened before, though. I always take a break from social media, then after a while of missing it I’ll start fresh new accounts. A clean slate. But then… Same.thing.happens.again. It’s also happened with YouTube.

Remember that video I posted a while ago? About new beginnings? Couple posts ago, I think. (Dear lord, please don’t let it be in the last post. That’s too soon to have given up.) Well, it turns out that journey ended when it began. And I think maybe I’m starting to understand why. Yeah I want to make things and yeah I want to share them with people, but I don’t necessarily want to feel like I have to do a thing a certain way.


I mean, it’s possible to be a photographer who isn’t on Instagram, right?

And it’s possible to document the fun stuff in your life without feeling this uncontrollable need to post it somewhere…right?

See, I like all the art stuff. The filming, painting, taking photos. But I need to get into the habit of doing it for the sake of doing it. Art for art’s sake, I guess they call it. Once I rediscover the value in that, I can bet you all the money in the world that my art will improve.

It was just scary man, when I realized I was going to certain places for the sole reason of sharing it online. For the sole purpose of it being seen by others. So they could pat me on the back. That isn’t me. That isn’t why I fell in love with everything creative in the first place.

Also, I tend to wish I could narrow down my interests. I always feel like the person I’m talking to knows I’m all over the place when I talk about my 540+ hobbies. Then I found this quote.

“My idea of a writer: someone interested in everything.” -Susan Sontag

Bam. Writing. That’s where everything makes sense for me. That’s why, through all of my social media adventures, blogging is the form that always makes the most sense. The form that I don’t know if I can ever truly leave. Because I don’t feel an uncontrollable need to be a certain way here. It’s not about the numbers here. It’s about writing whatever my bursting brain feels like.

And if anyone out there reads, well thank you.


2 thoughts on “I don’t know

  1. Yes, yes, yes! I feel like I could have written this post. We have too much in common, girl. Hopefully I’m done with social media for good. Being off has been the most edifying thing for me. I feel like I’m re-educating myself because I’m questioning the popular narrative in ways I never had before. And I always considered myself a pariah of sorts. Anyway. I resonate with pretty much everything you wrote. Yay! We’re on this journey together 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m with you on questioning the popular narrative. Doing this has given me a chance to step back and ask “why?” Why does everyone’s pictures look the same and why do people preach to “do you, live your best life” yet they’re the same ones who do everything in their power to be just like everyone else. To be accepted and to gain “followers” that really don’t care about you. Why do people construct the perfect image when, in my opinion at least, the most perfect and beautiful moments are the flawed ones. Once again Rafia, you get me.
      Also, edifying. What a cool word.


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