Dark Days

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Dark days are upon me.

I suppose I’ve had it good this Fall. While I’ve been extremely sick with the flu, I’ve oddly been more motivated than ever to get my future on track. The foreseeable future, anyway.

But then come those days where a cloud, a dark gray cloud hangs over your head. And it’s for no particular reason, but it’s there. And on these days you don’t want to be anywhere near yourself.

Should I even be doing this with my life?

You confuse yourself over your goals, your ambitions.

You doubt every talent, every skill that you thought you had.

You’re so busy mentally bashing yourself that you haven’t even gotten to the physical flaws yet. (Maybe that’s a good thing?)

Have you had these days? Luckily, I’m pretty good at concealing this dark mental consciousness from others, but it certainly prevails when I’m alone. That, paired with being a person who always prefers being alone..is not a good match.

Today was pretty bad. It was dark. Dreary. Dim. I was left questioning everything. Everything I’m doing. Everything I am. Which sucks because December had started out so well.

But these days come. And they go.

And tomorrow is a new day.

 

3 Comments

  1. I’m sorry you were having a dark day. Do these happen frequently? I have days where I hate myself (my physical self is usually always on my mind), where I am doubting my abilities, the choices that I made… but I realize those thoughts happen when I am alone and can be selfish. Not to say alone time is bad. It can be reflective and we should reflect. But when our moments of physical silence don’t come with moments of mental silence, what we might need is a chance of scenery. If not with people, then with nature. Cows always make me happy! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You sort of read my mind, how’d you do that? Haha. I’ve been craving a bit of nature recently. It’s just so darn cold, and putting on candles and reading a good book in my home is always so tempting. But perhaps going outside my comfort zone (aka going outside :P) would help. That is, when it’s not for school or work.

      Dark days come and ago; it’s taken me years to realize that they’ll probably never fully stop. But I tend to feel so mentally rejuvenated when that period is over that it almost balances out, in a way.

      Like

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